Is there someone out there for everyone? Of course there is! You are going to find love and live happily ever after just like you thought you would when you were younger. Every little girl dreamed of her perfect wedding while growing up. How she will set herself beautifully, what dress she’ll walk down the aisle in, the place she’ll get married at, the location of her honeymoon and so on, like me I usually think of my reception party being on the highland, but most importantly, who she’ll get married to, that perfect handsome gentle man. All these are wedding fantasies, don't get me wrong not that these fantasies are bad and you find out that it usually happen. But the fact is wedding preparation is far different from marriage, and no matter the elaborateness of your wedding, it doesn’t guarantee the success of your marriage.
With age, we realise that we’re probably never going to find that perfect spouse in the dreamland of fairy tale and decide to settle for someone else you fall in love with. If only we could add to this line, “but they don’t have to be perfect”. We’re not perfect. We might not be that naive little girl anymore, but we’re still looking for perfection which No one is.
When we’re dating, we don’t really focus on enlarging our flaws, everyone tries their best to mask their flaws rather than highlight them when they first meet. Eventually, you find yourself falling slowly in love with that person and you think of them as the closest you’ll ever come to your dream guy. You take a vow and you’re married.
The stories we read as kids ended with, “and they lived happily ever after”, doesn’t really apply to the real world where the story only begins. It’s after you’re married that you realise you don’t know them as well as you thought.
What is marriage if not hard work?
The fact is, most singles around the world are completely unwilling to let go of that idea of “happily ever after”. Marriage is days, weeks, months, years and till forever do you part thing, sure it takes hard work you will say. If you’re marrying someone then you obviously know a lot more about them right, yes. So if or When flaws, conflict and some imperfections start to unravel, things start to go sour, you’re left blaming yourself for picking the “wrong” person.
Let me put it simply; they aren’t wrong and neither are you. They’re human being just as much as you are and if you have flaws then they sure as well do too. The second your perfect spouse fantasy got tainted a bit, you can’t just assume that you married the wrong person. that's is where you need to start understanding his/her reasons for actions.
You need to stick by your spouse and go through everything with them. They have to do the same with you. Your perfect and your ideal are two different people. The perfect person was the one you’ve been fantasizing about, and your ideal person is the one who can understand you, care for you, help you and love you. Mr. Perfecto was the person you thought you needed while Mr. Ideal is the person you actually need. There are days life will literally feel like a bed of roses and days those roses are replaced with thorns and you feel rage, hatred, conflicts, disagreements and even malice, but you got to stick together knowing its a phase. The life you dreamt about can still work well by acquiring knowledge about marriage. Mutual understanding matters a lot regardless of phases to be experienced or you are experiencing in marriage.
I’m telling you to not make up excuses for yourself if your marriage isn’t picture perfect. Think about it, if you’re having a bad day then surely there was a good day to which you can compare it too.
Marriage isn’t an easy journey as it takes forever. But when God is the bedrock of your marriage and when you're fully prepared for marriage it amounts to success.
At the end of the day, all I can tell you is to always give your spouse a chance and let everything fall back into place in all defaulting areas. It won’t just happen on its own it takes the two of you to work it out.
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